My Week

So I set off this past week with the intention of just kicking back and hanging out with my boyfriend while he is on spring break from grad school. Sunday I got an early phone call from my family telling me that they were rushing my dad to the hospital. I spent all day that day making life changing decisions while my dad fought for his life, having a stroke. He had a blood clot in his brain and as they looked him over they informed us that it was a very massive stroke. 25 on their scale, with 0 being perfectly normal, single digits being a good chance of survival, teens an okay chance at survival, and a very low chance of survival in the 20s. We went through with a surgery to remove the clot and was able to get some of it but not all. Luckily the brain automatically started redirecting blood to try and get to the part that was blocked.

He has spent the rest of the week fighting for his life, with most of the week trying to prevent the brain from swelling too much.

There has been a glimmer of hope, he's been able to stay conscious for a little while, can speak the phrase "I don't care," and has been trying to say more, and he recognizes those who are in the room and most of his communication has been facial expressions and hand squeezing. Today he's been using more of the side of the body that was affected by the stroke as well.

Next week will be a lot of taking care of the house and pets while my mom stays by his side and prepping for my new job at a local hospital as a scheduling specialist. When I was offered the job at a higher rate than they had originally offered me, I knew this was meant to be and it couldn't have happened at a better time.

I will have extra funds to help out around the house, pay off my student loans, and hopefully get a very badly needed car.

What Catwoman Means to Me

If you know me, you have probably been the victim of me fangirling about Selena Kyle, Catwoman. Catwoman comics are my go to for anything, I absolutely adore them. When asked why I like Catwoman, I'll give the superficial answers: she plays by her own rules, she's a strong woman: THE femme fatale, she's beautiful in any imagining of her. If I had the opportunity to become Selena Kyle, I would think seriously hard about it. Didn't expect that part did you?

 Here's a little bit about me:

Several years ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity to become anyone, especially a drop dead gorgeous super thief, even if my facebook relationship status would have to change to "It's Complicated." This was before I started to see myself through the fog.

In high school during my junior year, maybe only half the school year into it something happened. I, who had a group of friends I could talk books or boys with, basketball player, softball player, flutist, youth and government participant, thespian, bibliophile changed somehow. I lost that spark, the thing that made me care about doing things at all, let alone well... it just fizzled out. I trudged through the days, at first trying to pretend like everything was okay, assuring teachers and the counselor that I was fine, but then I just stopped pretending. I forgot what it was like to be happy and because of this the group of friends I thought would be there for me just started leaving me out of conversations until I became almost entirely invisible unless someone was making fun of me. It's high school, the bullies like easy targets.

This continued until I was attempting to get through college while not on academic probation due to the days I was unable to climb out of bed, let alone get the required homework done. Finally one night I swallowed a handful of pills that I had smuggled into my room and climbed into bed to wait for death. I don't remember anything until about 5pm the next day, I don't remember if I had managed to go to the bathroom and throw up the pills or if I had simply not taken enough but I woke up still unhappy but somehow relieved to see the sunshine. I started researching. Wishing for death, the scars I covered up on my arms with oversized hoodies, they weren't me... this wasn't who I wanted to be and I finally realized that something had to be wrong. The next day I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I started taking a medication that I still take today and slowly began to rebuild my life.

First was trying to remember what having fun was like again, it may sound strange but I couldn't remember what made me happy or how to enjoy a day. Through the months of self discovery I found comic books, my first hero actually wasn't Catwoman, it was X-23. I devoured the series and then DC launched their New 52. I saw the Catwoman comic on the shelf and there was a click in my mind, I grabbed it and read it that day at a coffee shop. Shortly after that I took the next step: My brother had been dating a girl, we'll call her Aislin, and he encouraged me to talk to her.

After a little bit of talking, I invited Aislin to what would be both of our first comic book convention. We laughed, and talked, and I left with a bag full of Catwoman comics. That was 2 years ago. At that point I realized I was hooked: Batgirl is great, Batwoman is pretty cool, there's a connection I feel with Catwoman.

Maybe it's that nobody really understands what goes on in her head, maybe it's the cat scratches she uses as a weapon. I had used blades as a weapon too only instead of using them on others, I used them on myself. I had been a cutter for awhile, I have not cut in about a year. I had used my cats as story to explain the scratches to get people who saw them when I pulled up my sleeves even before I discovered Catwoman, people always drop it after that.

Throughout the process of making new friends and learning that real friends won't stop talking to you because you're depressed or hyperactive, sometimes in the same day, discovering table-top games thanks to Aislin, and meeting a very special man who I share a strong connection to (also thanks to Aislin), Catwoman had been there through it all. She had been a distraction on the really bad days, a rush of excitement when new issues came out, and an ever growing connection as I continue to dive into the story surrounding Catwoman.

Tomorrow, Aislin and I will again go to that small comic book convention that was our first step into a really good friendship that has brought so much happiness into my life. I hope to find more Catwoman comics.

Long Time No See

So it's been awhile since I've updated this. November was the last time I posted anything. The last several months have been a whirlwind adventure of job searching, role-playing, family time, crafting, and organizing.

I was a part of a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire campaign that finished last week and in that game I got to alternate weeks playing 2 different characters (1 per week) in the same universe and working for the same employer. It was a blast, but that's not to say that there were some hiccups. There were a few people who seemed to have taken player knowledge and used it as character knowledge which caused a large enough issue that made somebody leave the game (or at least that is the reason I gathered he left). Overall though, I really enjoyed it. The GM is one who encourages role-playing as opposed to just stating what your character is doing and rolling the dice as was my experience with a few games at Armored Gopher Games. What was great was that the system really encourages role-playing in which the dice have triumphs, successes, advantages, despairs, failures, and disadvantages to gauge how an action gets accomplished. Depending on what you roll something could fail but if you get enough advantages, something good comes out of that failure. I also got to create Dia (pictured below) a Twi'lek Assassin who was trained by a slave master but was mysteriously freed and spent some time trying to change herself into a scholar. That is until she got herself arrested for protesting alien slaving and was freed and employed by Honest Cid who knew about her special skills. It was fun playing a Twi'lek who is not very typical even though by end game she had lost almost everyone she had come to love.

I have joined a few other games to take up the time that this game after ending, left open. So I will be giving 13th Age another try as well as a Star Wars: Age of Rebellion (I will be playing without the book until the finished copy comes out as the game is still in Beta, with the finished copy coming out some time this quarter). I have also joined a Shadowrun game which is a very complex game with a lot more strategy than I am used to, but based on my older character concepts, I have had some practice in. Basically I will be playing a B&E expert with a bit of a Catwoman fetish. She grew up in a Russian immigrant household and fell in love with the character Selena. So when she turned criminal and became a Shadowrunner she took the name Selena with her secret identities being named for actresses who had played the femme-fatale on screen.

I plan on keeping up with this blog again now that I am not in school, having graduated in December with an Associates. A Bachelors is to follow but not for a little bit at least.