Stress

I've seen and experienced quite a bit of stress in my life: I can't think of anyone who hasn't. But for the first time in awhile, I was aware that stress was my problem. I didn't want to eat, I started to get break outs (at 26, that sucks), and felt so unhappy and overwhelmed with everything.

I then started removing the stressors (one I was apparently feeling removed himself, but that's a different topic). I woke up early from a day of stressful night of tossing and turning. I got dressed, forced myself to move and put on makeup and do my hair. Still not hungry, I took my medication and got a message from a friend. "You need to talk, let's talk." Completely out of the blue but actually needed. I told him I was getting ready to walk across town or figure out the bus system to go borrow my mom's car and run errands. "Wait for me, I'll pick you up. We'll do the errands together, too."

He picked me up and by that time I had been able to work out in my head what I needed to do. As he drove me to my mom's workplace we worked out what the day was going to look like. I was to get the car, we were going to meet up at the thrift store so I could get 2 new pairs of jeans (I had 2 pairs rip in what was possibly one of the worst days of my life). Found 2 pairs and paid about $13. Awesome savings! Then it was time to go figure out a new phone as it had become aparent that I had to figure out that part. Did I want to stay on a phone plan I hated but got on because I put trust in somebody who decided that they wanted me off their plan asap after walking out of my life? No, no I didn't. I didn't need that phone as a reminder and I didn't need that plan to struggle with and get angry at him every time I couldn't find a signal when I needed it. I found a phone at the phone store. I turned back on my old number, still under my parent's name, set up the payment plan, and paid what I needed to with a check.

Stop #3? B-dubs for lunch! I was treated to a nice lunch by the friend who picked me up. I was looking for something cheaper but he was "Nope, you're getting treated to something tasty. I don't know how long it's been since you've been out to a restaurant and you need this." So I let him buy me lunch.

After that met with my old beau and dropped some stuff off to him as well as the phone that he thought was so important. I didn't want to give him the impression I wanted him completely out of my life, but I didn't say that. How else was I to express this was for the best so I wouldn't continue to dwell on the anger that was starting to surface for everything that I had been through? Still don't feel like I can talk to him about my feelings. Either I'll be seen as taking advantage of his feelings or something worse.

So after a difficult lunch but one that left me feeling upset but somehow better. Weirdness. I went back to pick up my mom, we headed to the bank. Signed the paperwork for a loan and I went home with her to get a ride to get my repossessed car. I was able to get that and drove back home. Spent the rest of the evening with friends and went to bed, where I slept beautifully.

Sleep was great, waking up was great, coming to work was great, I was actually hungry today. I feel good today. And that was because I spent an entire day working on removing stressors in my life. It doesn't always happen in one day, but when it does, you really notice.

So my readers, and I know there are at least a few of you. When was the last time you powered through destroying the stress in your life? How did you handle it? Did most of it happen in one day like it did for me?

Depression and What You Can Do When You're On the Outside

This has been requested from me for quite a while and I didn't really have an answer until today when I feel like I've been able to look over everything and what is needed from and for people who live with, love, or are friends with persons who are going through a depression. So here's my list of things that will work and should be exercised.

1.) Don't try to "fix" me. I'm incapable of controlling my emotions, trying to make me happy or prevent me from living life by keeping things from me is not going to prevent me from having crying fits, anxiety attacks, or anything else that could happen when I'm depressed.

2.) Take care of yourself. You need to find time to step away and recharge, if you're scared that the person you love might hurt themselves, have a friend come visit or a family member of that person. But you need to take time to go out and recharge. Discuss it with the depressed person before hand, if it's been discussed they'll be understanding or should be practicing on being understanding (It's hard for us when we're in that state).

3.) You need to know it is okay if you feel upset, angry, or frustrated. This is a normal and perfectly valid response. You need to be able to find someone you can talk to about these issues with: Friends who are unbiased and will not spread gossip about the situation or find a support group. In my area one of the hospitals has a support group for friends & family that meets once a week every week.

4.) Just be there. It seems silly or like it's not helping but believe me it does. Offer a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug. Let them know you're there, remind them this is the illness and that they're not worthless or weak for feeling the way they do.

5.) Meds & therapy are crucial. You may need to step up and help keep track of treatment. Make sure they continue taking their medication (during this time they may feel like they're pointless, or they had already stopped taking medication). Even discuss going to therapy or psychiatry appointments with them. Have open communication with their therapists or psychiatrists if that person wants you to.

6.) Offer hope in whatever way they can take it. Remind them of all they have: children, yourself, family, that will keep them going. Also, if they appear suicidal seek immediate help. Call their psychiatrist's office, take them to the E.D. for evaluation. Find the suicide hotlines in the area.

7.) Put yourself in their shoes, learn what it feels like so you can understand it better. Which leads to...

8.) Educate yourself. Learn to recognize signs and symptoms and what treatment they are on. The person who's depressed, might not realize it's the depression until they're so deep over their head that they feel like they're drowning.

9.) Just love them unconditionally. It's the illness causing all the irritation, anger, and sadness, not the depressed person and not you.

10.) Help around the house. Just like having the flu, the depressed person will not feel like doing things around the house. Hygiene is also a big thing. Hygiene is always the first to go when somebody's depressed, you don't think about it day to day but the energy it takes to take a shower seems like too much when somebody is depressed.

Have them agree to be open and honest about their feelings. Answer them encouragingly but honestly.

I'm just sorry that this may have come too late for some people in my own life.