Depression and What You Can Do When You're On the Outside

This has been requested from me for quite a while and I didn't really have an answer until today when I feel like I've been able to look over everything and what is needed from and for people who live with, love, or are friends with persons who are going through a depression. So here's my list of things that will work and should be exercised.

1.) Don't try to "fix" me. I'm incapable of controlling my emotions, trying to make me happy or prevent me from living life by keeping things from me is not going to prevent me from having crying fits, anxiety attacks, or anything else that could happen when I'm depressed.

2.) Take care of yourself. You need to find time to step away and recharge, if you're scared that the person you love might hurt themselves, have a friend come visit or a family member of that person. But you need to take time to go out and recharge. Discuss it with the depressed person before hand, if it's been discussed they'll be understanding or should be practicing on being understanding (It's hard for us when we're in that state).

3.) You need to know it is okay if you feel upset, angry, or frustrated. This is a normal and perfectly valid response. You need to be able to find someone you can talk to about these issues with: Friends who are unbiased and will not spread gossip about the situation or find a support group. In my area one of the hospitals has a support group for friends & family that meets once a week every week.

4.) Just be there. It seems silly or like it's not helping but believe me it does. Offer a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug. Let them know you're there, remind them this is the illness and that they're not worthless or weak for feeling the way they do.

5.) Meds & therapy are crucial. You may need to step up and help keep track of treatment. Make sure they continue taking their medication (during this time they may feel like they're pointless, or they had already stopped taking medication). Even discuss going to therapy or psychiatry appointments with them. Have open communication with their therapists or psychiatrists if that person wants you to.

6.) Offer hope in whatever way they can take it. Remind them of all they have: children, yourself, family, that will keep them going. Also, if they appear suicidal seek immediate help. Call their psychiatrist's office, take them to the E.D. for evaluation. Find the suicide hotlines in the area.

7.) Put yourself in their shoes, learn what it feels like so you can understand it better. Which leads to...

8.) Educate yourself. Learn to recognize signs and symptoms and what treatment they are on. The person who's depressed, might not realize it's the depression until they're so deep over their head that they feel like they're drowning.

9.) Just love them unconditionally. It's the illness causing all the irritation, anger, and sadness, not the depressed person and not you.

10.) Help around the house. Just like having the flu, the depressed person will not feel like doing things around the house. Hygiene is also a big thing. Hygiene is always the first to go when somebody's depressed, you don't think about it day to day but the energy it takes to take a shower seems like too much when somebody is depressed.

Have them agree to be open and honest about their feelings. Answer them encouragingly but honestly.

I'm just sorry that this may have come too late for some people in my own life.