Life gets really tough, especially if you have bipolar. Coming out of a depression, I feel like I should feel better. I felt better for a little while, but there's been so much stress in my life in the rebuilding process that it's hard to tell. So it's time to practice what I preach to my clients at my new job. Do things that make you happy, listen to positive things, read good books, spend time with good people that make you happy, and when you are doing those things don't think about what you have waiting for you when you come home or go to work.
"It's hard, I get it. Believe me," I tell them. So here's what I'm going to do. I've found a pagan chant that helps me calm down with deep breathing. I've put that on a small piece of paper and hidden it behind my name tag so it's easy to look at and say when things get hard.
Tonight when I get home, I'm not going to worry about whether or not the floors need swept, there's dirty dishes in the sink, or how far behind house maintenance has fallen. I'm going to pour myself a nice glass of white wine, light some candles, and slip into a warm bubble bath and soak. Give myself some time to enjoy something. I'm to do some self maintenance. The house can wait, the finances can wait, work can wait, relationship issues can wait for a night. Just one night. After my bath I'm going to climb the stairs and slip under the covers and into a stress-free sleep.
I will wake up refreshed and come up with an answer for work questions, maybe figure out some financial answers, and clean at least one room. I will leave for work a little earlier than usual, have a nice casual drive in. Not be stressed while there, finish everything on time or even stay a little late to finish it up. I will not leave until paperwork is done or a half hour after I am scheduled. No later. I will leave work at work.
I will spend some time planning for the week that night to lay out a schedule and ground rules. This needs to be done by this date, sort of thing. Structure. Structure is good.
Now, on to the "positricity" part. I'm switching up the music on my phone. Upbeat or inspiring music only. I will plan to finally bake on my day off and if that isn't possible, I will spend the day with a friend to just enjoy being outside. I will get my telescope from my parent's house and start gazing through to the planets and star clusters that I can see. I will start keeping a diary, to vent or just talk about my day. I won't use it for only complaining. I will put into practice of finding at least 1 positive of my day and take a moment when I reflect on my day, how I felt. Did I feel overwhelmed, did I feel anxious, did I feel happy? This is important practices I think.
I will let everyone know, I'm going through a healing process. I'm detoxifying myself from the negativity that I have found myself in. I'm not blaming anyone for it, it's just life. It happens. But I need to finish healing. I don't want to talk about anything I can't handle mentally until I'm ready. I think that's a fair thing to ask for. Also, for the people who have been really trying, people who have made me feel more cynical than is really how I am. I'm going to find something positive about them too, a reason that I started being friends with them but forgot or have let their negative qualities outshine. When I find those, I won't forget again. If those positive qualities aren't there any more and something about them has changed. I need to distance myself from them. That's a healthy choice, I think.
I'm also, going to take my friends up on their suggestions of going halvsies on booths at craft shows, flea markets, or even farmers markets. The holidays are coming up. People will want homemade goods for gifts. It will give me a lot of practice and it will put my name out in the area as someone who is talented with a crochet hook, at sewing, or at baking.
There's a lot more that I need to do, I think to get back to being the girl who smiled all the time because she was so filled with joy. But this is a good start.
No comments:
Post a Comment